Missouri Man Can’t Stop Staring at Image of Obama

obama imageMan casually reading an online article reports that for fun he stared longingly into a spiral hypnotic image of Obama to prove that nothing would happen when he looked away. Apparently, his wife had gone out for groceries after telling him he should check it – that it was cool. He was hesitant at first, but admitted to hospital officials that he did indeed stare into the Obama image once his wife had left.

“Well, she is always right and I did not want her to have this one, just once! But I couldn’t resist and now I can’t get rid of the image of Obama’s floating head from my vision. It is starting to make me lose my mind and I think I keep hearing his speeches. The worst part is that I had to explain it to my wife before going to the hospital. Our new insurance plan does not cover the visit, so she was pissed.”

The Obama Administration denies any knowledge of this but is looking into it right away and says this might be a great way at gaining cooperation from a Republican controlled Congress and Senate. Sources say that administration officials have spoken to the man and assured him that it could be worse.

Long used as a therapy technique for evangelical’s in treating people who have lost their way from the righteous path, an impression of Jesus Christ was burned into the mind’s eye of Christians seeking favor with the Lord. Some have even reported hearing him speak to them.

The Power of the World Second Coming of Christ church and foundation has filed a lawsuit against the administration for using techniques long considered exclusive to the savior himself. Church authorities have reportedly asked the man from Missouri if he is certain that the image is maybe actually Jesus Christ. “It is very important for us to be sure that even though the image of Obama was used in the image design, that there has not been a divine intervention from Christ himself. The church’s position is that the Lord has perhaps been angered and we want to be sure that we demonstrate vigilance in our understanding of the circumstances.”

It is not known how long this will last, but hospital officials have requested that an alternate image be made in an attempt to give the man something more pleasurable to look at. The FBI is looking into and more information is expected in the coming days.

 

Note: the image was taken from an article posted on my Facebook by Mother Jones and so I used it in my Onionesque portrayal of the story.